September 3rd, 2013

sunmi 2

Beatin Ma E.D

It's took two years, a lot of weight loss, weight gain, tears and skipped meals. But I think I kicked my eating disorder's ass. I work at McDonald's, and have avoided the food for the 3 years I've been there. Before my ED, I just wasn't keen on the food.
Slowly but surely, I made progression, from a wrap, slowwwly creeping to a wrap with fries. I can rarely manage a medium fries - but that's just cos McDonald's is so freaking filling.
BUT ANYWAY. I've got better with food. I don't starve and binge. I eat healthy.
Last Saturday I had a lovely 9 hour shift. 5pm - 2am. What. So, I was well looking forward to my McChicken Wrap, but we were so busy, there was no one to make me it. So I grabbed a double cheeseburger. Yes. DOUBLE. Beef was a "fear food" of mine. I haven't eaten beef in 3 years - ok, discluding the burger I had last Halloween. So I was just like BAM. DOUBLE. and it was good. It was well good.
I didn't feel guilty. I wasn't paranoid. I didn't think "Shit, I can't eat tomorrow." I just ENJOYED my burger.

Last night, I did a lovely 7 hour. Now, I didn't have a McD's on my break; I made some pasta. I was only meant to be working til half 4. But, they asked me to stay on, despite me saying "I can't, I'm out tonight." But yeah, leaving at 7, I knew I wouldn't have time to cook - I had to dye my hair, shave my legs, and other girly-girly things. So I thought fuck it, I'm having a McD's. So I deliberated over what I wanted, because SHIT, McDonald's menu is freaking big.
But I settled for a Grilled Chicken Deli. Yes, a deli. Omg Bread. Omg Carbs. Omg more calories than a wrap. And a MILKSHAKE. My first milkshake in TWO YEARS. and it was fucking lush.

And as I walked home from work, I know that victory tastes like a banana milkshake.